It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His hands were made for my vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
