I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
