This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
