when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found puke in my bra..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
