I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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