She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
