I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
