God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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