I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
