I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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