Your mouth is God's brothel.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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