i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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