everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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