I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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