We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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