My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
