Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
