i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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