and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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