Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He shit in the fireplace
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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