yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
