using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
