i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
