Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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