just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
