I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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