You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
