i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize