you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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