Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The maid of honor just puked.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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