3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i permit you to call me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
