Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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