We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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