wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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