the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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