The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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