There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
