He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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