just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
