you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize