Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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