It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize