just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
