no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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