in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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