Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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