I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
