she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
