I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
