i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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