Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
