I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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