So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
