So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
