i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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