we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
