We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize