Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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