these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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