dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
