what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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