There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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