now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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