im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
