the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
