okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
