the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
