I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
