piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
