How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
