Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize